All kinds of ridiculous

It is all kinds of ridiculous, really.

It is ridiculous that my mother feels that it is ok for her son to abuse his child because 'the poor kid has cancer you know!!' Where is it written that if you are suffering you can make those around you that are helpless to defend themselves suffer? That having cancer trumps being responsible for one's choices?

The baby is 17 months old now. He has been living with me since my brother asked me to take the baby 'overnight' five months ago. Little one was dumped on us with only a playpen and a diaper bag of supplies. (one bottle, 25 bottle liners, grungy nipple for bottle, one sippy cup, 8 diapers, 4 wipes, 1 pj's, 2 shirts, 1 pants, 4 toys). Baby stank to high heaven of disease (brother's biopsy site was badly infected and he refused to go to the doctors. As a result the whole house smelled.) He was covered with a scaley rash, had anal fissures (Dr. had said likely due to a combination of poor nutrition and prolonged untreated constiaption), screamed in pain with every bowel movement, 'panic ate' (shoveled food into mouth fast and fuirous, often choking himself). Little one rocks frantically, freaks if you leave the room and bangs his head off the chair, walls, floor etc.

As these behaviors were noted, by myself and my husband, we did discuss taking custody. At first it seemed moot. Brother was refusing medical treatment-he was not likely to survive. I was not keen on the idea of picking a fight with my poor brother. Besides, baby was with us, we were caring for him. Little brother moved 14 hours away.

After three months, though, I did ask brother for interim custody. Hubby had to go back to work and we needed help with daycare.

The war began. Turns out that they (Brother and his girlfriend) are claiming little on on welfare-just not mentioning that little one has been living with me and that I have been the sole provider for the little one.

They (brother and loon mother) informed me that they were gonna get cancer disability to pay loon mother to watch little one. Unable to deny any longer that it was neccessary, I hired a lawyer.

While we were waiting for our request for an order to be stamped by the court my mother showed up with brother girlfriend to 'pick up the kids'.
(Girlfriend's 3 year old daughter had been left behind with Girlfriends mom. the child in question has serious medical issues and is autistic and non verbal).

I refused. I told them that there is no way they are remotely considering the baby's best interests. He had not seen them or even heard their voices in four months. And they propose to have a coffee and drag him off. We had also spent those months teaching the little one that he was safe and secure with us, to not panic eat, to not bang his head. We worked very hard and diligently to create a feeling of security and safety for him. Uprooting him to go with virtual strangers was not a good plan.

They served me. At the hearing, the judge read my affidavit (I listed the dates of abandonment, the anal fissures, the panic eating, the child's physical state now as compared to in Feb, the child's emotional state, the head banging, the biting. I also tattled about the face flicking (to get baby to shut up-both mom and girlfriend had told me of) and the leaving the child in crib screaming for hours when not feeling like dealing with him. i listed off the professionals that were involved with David. (Doctor, mental health, Child develpment Centre, MOCFD) and that they would also back up my affidavit. I mentioned the website, my journal and the back and forth book for sitter.

The judge granted me joint custody, with myself being the primary caregiver but (and here is the rub) I have to pay to have all the adults in my home and brother's home to be assessed with an mmpi. (This costs roughly one grand per person. Three adults in brother's home, two in mine.....) Plus I have the dubious honour of having to take little one to my brother's home for their part of ths asessment. Bear in mind that he moved 14 hours driving away. The trip will cost well over a grand.

This is all great, on my $17/hour income with now three children in the home I am sure we are rolling in cash these days. Add to this that my youngest child is autistic and requires all sorts of expensive interventions in order to assist him in being able to meet his amazing potential...well we are fast headed into debt.

I have been fundraising, but lets face it. I live in a rural area that is 1200 ppl strong. Can only expect so much.

I have taken a three grand loan from exhubby and 2 grand from boss to cover lawyer retainer. I have taken a five grand loan from loan shark.

Likely will loose my house.

Stress? not here!

Aside from $$, we can also look at the dyanmics of this absurd drama. My mother hates me, has posted bullying things on that damn facebook mostly hurtful to my oldest child (her first grandchhild). My one sister won't talk to me at all. My brother feels attacked (he is not capable of understanding that what he does is neglect and abuse. He feels I am jsut picking on him). My grandparents disowned me.

The whole family is taking sides. My children are feeling hurt that their uncle, aunti and gramma are being rude to them. My husband and my health reflects the stress (he has full body pains at a debilitating level and I am now the proud owner of an ulcer).

All this why?
Because my mother, in all her amazing wisdom, decided to deny that brother needed any help or has any issues.
Because my mother, in a demonstration of selfless love, convinced my brother that real medicine will kill him and that only she can cure him.
Because my mother, out of guit perhaps? decided that whatever her son needs he shall have, regardless of the damage it may cause his baby.

Because my mother and my brother feel that cancer makes it ok to defraud the government. That it is ok to try and keep the $$ even if that means wrecking the child...

Its absurd. The difficulty we are having in doing the right thing is ridiculous. We have gone from a calm peaceful family with small debt and modest lifestyle, to a stressed out family with huge debt and no life.

It hurts. I look at this little one, in those moments of feeling oh so tired and oh so sorry for myself, and I hear my mother's voice.

"Sometimes making the right choice hurts-it can be so hard! But that is what makes us good people-making the right choice even though its hard and hurts and no one is helping or even grateful. That is called having morals."

Ridiculous, that her words comfort me now as her actions destroy my world...

PS Brother panicked and went to the hospital. He is now on his third dose of chemotherapy. He tells me (not sure I am buying) that one or two more and it will never come back. He has T Cell Non Hodkin's lymphoma.

PPS Mother got kicked out of the hospital when brother was going for chemo. Guess she caused a ruckus about toxins and such.