He is gong to die after a prolonged suffering, from a treatable disease.
He has lymphoma. At this point we do not know if it is or isn't hodgkins as he has refused to do any further testing. The sum of all the medical intervention he has allowed is the biopsy that he feels 'gave' him the cancer.
He has made so many horrific choices and while I try so very hard to be understanding of the amazing stress he is under both physically and emotionally I am devastated.
At first I did understand. With wooful Mom chanting the typical nonsense (evil doctors, big conspiracy, it's all about profit, herbs, naturpaths, toxins, fungus blah blah) I was not completely surprised when my brother chose to follow her beliefs rather than the advice of his doctor.
My brother has some sort of developmental delay-resulting in his functioning maturity being much less than his 21 years of age. He is also the baby of the family while mom is quite the dominating personality.
I had assumed though, that as this progressed, both Mom and brother would choose for him to live rather than choose to prove that alt medicine works.
I assumed wrong.
Mom started by claiming that his cancer was a fungus and that she could cure him with vitamins. She went on to amaze us with her wooful tendencies by hiring an 'applied kinesiologist' or whatever. She ordered HS online. She placed brother on an organic only diet. She pumped him full of vitamins.
All this she did in a four day stretch then she bailed back to 'camp'. (Her work requires her to be out of town in 'camps' for long stretches of time. Decent money). She had to pile on the hours as these alternative treatments are horribly expensive.
The doctor had booked brother in for a PET scan and bone biopsies and consultation with an oncologist. We are very rural, so this all had to be booked together-it is a 14 hour drive to the nearest oncologist. My brother was fine with the appointment until he heard about the bone biopsy.
This turned into a drama about the doctor being dishonest, wanting to make money off of him, trying to use extra 'useless' tests on him because he is young, etc. I heard terms like 'cash cow' and 'big pharma'.
Several people, my self included, tried to share information with brother. I printed off a booklet on lymphoma-from what it is to it's stages and the various treatments. Brother refused all, stating that 'mom was doing my research'.
As the month wore on, brother began to get very ill. Night sweats, extreme and rapid weight loss, nausea, lack of appetite. He became weak and lethargic. The lump under his arm (partly from biopsy maybe?) became large and swollen looking. It emitted an odor of infection.
When Mom returned from camp she was more than slightly appalled. We all hoped that she would encourage him to go to the doctor, and she did.
She even went with him.
Her party line changed from "I can cure him with vitamins" to "the vitamins have helped his body to be strong enough to withstand treatment".
The doctor again booked appointments.
But by the time he called to let them know when and where, brother had improved. (He was a wee bit stronger, holding food down) and they had decided that the herbs and vitamins were working.
Mom went back to camp.
Brothers health remained shakey. At one point he told me that he was just waiting for his social worker to pay for his trip to the oncologist. My boss volunteered to pay it and the story changed to 'oh after I move'.
Brother decided he needed to move south where he just 'loves to be' and where it is 'so much closer' to all these appointments that he refused to go to.
The move would be a 12 hour drive, costing more money than anyone had. They ended up renting a UHaul trailer, selling all their non essential belongings and moving.
I was told that as soon as they unpacked so that brothers g/f had a place for her child, mom and brother were headed to DR appt's and localized radiation treatments.
brother had started mouthing off to mom about the vitamins, refusing to pay any of his own money for the alternative treatments. I had wondered at the time if he as trying to get her permission to see the doctor.
I volunteered to keep the baby until after all these appointments were done. (at this point I had the baby living with me for 2 months). Brother refused. He still did not pick up his child or even ask to visit with him, but he verbally refused to consider leaving the child with us when he moved.
The night of the move I helped load the trailer. As they were getting into the car to leave, brother ripped the car seat out of mom's car and stuffed it in my van. He was holding back tears as he said "Keep the baby. There is no room for him anyways".
I struggled with my own riot of emotions. I was so relieved-I was beyond worried for the little one. Yet I was furious that he was making this a last minute decision-and to top it all he had packed the baby's bed and toys etc into the trailer before the beds-so I was going to have to find the funds to furnish my home for a toddler from scratch.
Mom was angry with him, but I am still unclear as to what part had her more furious. That he was not taking his son, or that the move was depleting her finances.
In the meantime, I have a toddler I did not give birth to. (No bashing needed thanks. We love our nephew and love having him. However it hurts my heart that his mother ditched him all those months ago so that she can drink, do meth and sleep around-and now my own brother can not be bothered to stand up to our mother, see a doctor and treat this highly treatable cancer. What am I going to tell this adorable young man when he is older?). Mother continues to berate my husband and I (and my sister and her husband) for not 'contributing' financially. Oh, she doesn't come out and say it but she certainly has made herself clear.
(To my sister) 'You are having a BBQ? How nice. It really must be nice....I would love to be doing such wonderful things but I am headed off to teh soup kitchen myself. No BBQ here!' (This was not two hours after she told me that they had just spent 300 bucks on groceries.)
We refuse to help with these alt meds. They don't work, they are not working, and he is not doing well. I refuse to help these con artist 'practitioners' to become wealthy at my brother's expense.
I was recently uplifted when my brother's gf told me that he had apptmts in vancouver for the end of may. But my youngest sister informed me that this is a conference they are attending, not a doctor.
Whatever.
When he dies, I am going to try to take down each of his 'alternative' practioners legally. My brother's medical doctor is considering helping with what will likely become a life long obsession for me.
Other than that I am just raising my nephew, praying that the courts will allow me to retain custody once my brother passes. (He refuses to sign anything as he feels that this is bringing 'negative' energy into his life).
